If wishes were horses, more beggars would ride them.

Ah, disappointment. How bitter you taste and how you linger in the back of my throat. Especially after the sweet whiff of possible freedom and success.

There was an internship at Merit Motion Pictures, a documentary company, I applied for this weekend. It looked absolutely perfect. An 18 week internship with full time hours, and a pay of 12,000 for the load. It involved mostly working with their website, organizing their database, and learning how to work in a production company. My hopes were high. I even have a friend in the company, so the odds were looking good.

The interview this morning wasn't perfect, but I thought it went well. However, the rest of the day I was playing it over in my mind. I should have said that instead. Why did I say that? Did I talk over her there? Did she notice? Each small error got it's own part starring on the stage of my mind in a play of second guess with a with a run of 1500 shows. Needless to say I was a little preoccupied all day.

They were to let me know tomorrow morning, but the email came tonight. They decided to go with someone else. I feel so very defeated. Mostly because I feel that it was my own doings in the interview that lost me the position. There is no consolation but a job. I'm going to go to bed and sleep off this sour mood.

I feel like this today. Melancholic and not making complete sense.